Constant Surrender

Normally, I just get hit with the hardcore infertility emotions at the start of a new cycle, but I find myself in the middle of the cycle really struggling today.

I think this was spurred by a friend's bridal shower today, which was lovely, but brought back memories from ours. Just those well wishes, winks, and nods for a large family. Thinking back to ours when I went along with all the ribbing and I think, assumed that we would have a child in that first year. Not even hope, but assumption. How arrogant and presumptous of me!

Lord, take these doubts, this self-pity, this emptiness, this sadness, this burden, all thoughts not from you and TRANSFORM me. Lord, I cannot change this on my own. Help me surrender.